Funny quotes

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck

George Carlin

 Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them

P. J. O'Rourke

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby

Natalie Wood

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people

Rodney Dangerfield

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back

OSCAR WILDE

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings

ROBERT BLOCH

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

Kreg King

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Dave Barry

2pacs of eminems for 50 cents...man thats Ludacris

Anonymous

I hate when old people poke you at a wedding and say "you re next". So next time I was at a funeral I poked them "you re next"

Anonymous

Always and never are two aords you should always remember never to use

Wendell Johnson

Women are like hurricanes: When they come they are wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car

Anonymous

Life is too short to remove usb safely

Anonymous

I have never found any 'good' in goodbye

Ahad