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Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid

Hedy Lamarr

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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'

m afraid of widths

steven wright

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Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before

Mae West

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If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts

Albert Einstein

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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is

Ellen DeGeneres

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As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Buddy Hackett

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Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive

Elbert Hubbard

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Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes

Jim Carrey

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man

Ron White